Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Top Ten Characters in Romance of the Three Kingdoms

 


Another post so soon? Unthinkable. I was pondering about Lan being Guan Yu in Wheel of Time but figured I might as well just make an RotK post; Romance of the Three Kingdoms or simply Three Kingdoms is the Iliad of the Eastern World; revered in China, Japan, and both Koreas. It is also probably the foremost military textbook that China has and therefore should be studied extensively in Western military academies as well, it is very simply one of the best books ever written and likely the third or fourth most influential behind various religious texts and Mein Kampf. I generally read Moss Roberts' translation but there are completely free versions online of Three Kingdoms as well. I suppose it should be indicative of how much I respect the book that I can recall and discuss so much at any given moment relative to Wheel of Time's binge reading to see what Nynaeve gets angry at this time. All of these characters would be a 10/10 on the Wheel of Time scale and probably by any other measure as well. Also there's plenty of outstanding artwork and even shrines, figurines, memorials, entire fucking temples and cities dedicated to these people since they were real historical figures on top of being legendary. Four of the ten are currently available as limited time Hearthstone skins for example, though I'd advise against giving Blizzard money presently.


#1 Chen Gong

Not Cao Cao, not Zhuge Liang, not even Lord Guan himself? Madness you say. Well I guess Chen Gong mostly leads into the Cao Cao discussion easily and is simply the best of all the honor bound characters; we'll see if Dong Cheng can make it on the list as well. Chen Gong is initially an adviser for Cao Cao before realizing how cruel Mengde can be and eventually winds up throwing in his lot with Lu Bu. While Lu Bu is certainly foolish (though offensively legendary) he is not evil inherently and thus Chen Gong eventually dies at White Gate Tower rather than serving our primary antagonist, here's at least one translation of the poem honoring him:

Neither hope of life nor fear of death moved him.
How brave was he, a hero indeed!
But his lord heeded not his words,
Wherefore in vain possessed he great talents.
Nevertheless, in that he stood by his master.
To parting with wife and mother,
He merits our pity and profound respect.
Who would resemble Chen Gong
That day he died at the White Gate Tower?

We'll have a bit more on him in a bit as the Cao Cao discussion should be very long, but he is one of the first that Cao Cao says the famous words to "You have been well, I trust, since we parted."

"I hope you have been well since we last saw each other, Chen Gong?" said Cao Cao.

"Your ways were crooked, and so I left you," said Chen Gong.

"You say I was crooked; and what of your serving Lu Bu?"

"Though he was a fool, he did not resemble you in deceit and wickedness."

In the book it seems like Chen Gong is regarded as Cao Cao's equal strategically since he frequently has strategies that meet or exceed the opponent's, he is mostly done in by Lu Bu's foolishness a la Hitler going after the Caucauses and Stalingrad simultaneously instead of listening to Manstein. There are numerous real world situations that parallel the ones in Three Kingdoms and of course many of the battles actually happened and happened quite similarly to how they're discussed, these are 1800 year old battles and a 700+ year old book (often considered the first novel); but they still ring true today.



#2 Cao Cao, Mengde, Ah Man, August Emperor of Wei

"Better to wrong the world than have it wrong me first!" is Cao Cao's (or T'sao T'sao if you prefer) character defining phrase. As he and Chen Gong flee from a farmers hut where he's murdered them under the erroneous suspicion that they were plotting against him. This isn't the most interesting of his gambits but its definitely the best individual quote to sum up the character; by far the best general historically in the Three Kingdoms era he squashed essentially every ruler in Northern China prior to the famous Battle of Red Cliffs or Chi Bi that is the central dramatic event of the entire book (and one of the most decisive battles of all time historically); it is difficult to say what would have happened if he did unify China at that moment, most likely Wei would never have fallen to Jin so you'd have like a 150-300 year Wei Dynasty with Cao Cao as its much heralded founder. His commentary on the Art of War still exists.

Another of my favorites is when his army is running low on supplies in lieu of simply getting the supplies or retreating to restore troop morale he comes up with a brilliant scheme. He calls in the quartermaster and says "You have something I require, general, I hope you would not begrudge it?" ... "Your head, to show the men;" he then cares well for said general's family afterward and assures him that his sacrifice will not be in vein. Most importantly the scheme works and has no negative ramifications later; this speaks to the extremely genuine feel that Three Kingdoms has, which I suppose is easier to create if you're working with a historical basis.

Historical comparisons to Cao Cao include Vladimir Putin and Julius Caesar but he's also a very prominent influence in fiction; the best video game character by far Delita from Final Fantasy Tactics is pretty much a 1 for 1 Cao Cao analogue (with some mild emotional introductory elements). He does have motivations and thus doesn't fall in the Iago, The Joker, or Anton Chigurh camp necessarily but could easily be confused with Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood; a legendary, exceptional villain and probably a top 10 or so military commander in actual Chinese history to boot (possibly even the foremost below the Wu Qi, Sun Pin, Jiang Ziya tier.)


#3 Zhuge Liang, Kongming, Prime Minister of Shu

It is important to make a distinction between historical Zhuge Liang and fictional Zhuge Liang, but in the book and widely regarded amongst common Chinese people as the foremost military strategist of all time. In reality Kongming was a political genius and a reasonably solid military commander, I think if he was actually on a Napoleon or Alexander level then Shu certainly would have won the struggle and restored the Han Dynasty; but since he was such a political genius his legend endures better than his actual self and must have been the core motivation to write the book alongside Liu Bei.

Despite the the differences the most important thing that Zhuge Liang did historically was convince Wu to fight the Battle of Red Cliffs (and help plan it but that was mostly Zhou Yu's feat) which is the central point of the best chapter in the book, Chapter 43 Kongming debates the southern officials; which is an outstanding treatise for anyone that wants to learn how to debate in a verbal setting; a rousing destruction of pedantry. Somewhere around 13 historical dudes come forward to try to argue against him and he demolishes each and every argument with ease and directly causes the Three Kingdoms period to occur thus changing the course of Chinese history for at least 200-300 years. This is a thing that actually happened.

As far as his various military strategems (there are dozens upon dozens) the vast majority of Kongming's stuff would work in reality and a large number of them did happen, I still think that he could have prevented Yi Ling from being such a disaster even if he wasn't there so my opinion of historical Zhuge Liang is not necessarily the highest. Fictional Zhuge Liang is an unparalleled ideal of wise state management, military strategic and tactical genius, as well as how to handle a weak ruler following a strong one and also how to set up a fairly strong succession to your own position; there are very few weaknesses in Fictional Kongming's reasoning and thoughts, at most you could insult his occasional mysticism over actual strategic plans; but often that simply informs something that would have worked in reality. After he dies the book rapidly declines but I have grown fonder and fonder of the fourth volume over time.


#4 Zhang Liao

It's difficult to say how historic Liao's portrayal is in the book but since he isn't Shu (thus negating Luo Guanzhong's bias) and he definitely won the Battle of He Fei while grossly outnumbered it is safe to assume that he was an incredibly capable commander on top of being an excellent warrior and honorable to boot. His famous line is "Lu Bu, oh fool, death is but death so why do you fear it?" Whilst Lu Bu is cringing before Cao Cao, and this earns him Mengde's respect from which he becomes one of the leading generals of Wei. Frequently when Cao Cao or Sima Yi is leading 90% of Wei's troops on some western campaign Zhang Liao is on the eastern front holding the entire might of Wu at bay with seemingly just a few hundred horsemen. The odds given in the book are 800 to 100,000; perhaps apocryphal but still indicative of the feat (unlike Herodotus' numbers there were actually 100k sized armies in the era and preceding eras; China has always had lots of people relative to everywhere else).



#5 Lord Guan, Guan Yu, Yunchang, Lord of Hanshou Precinct

Guan Yu is the Taoist God of War, and he was also a real historical dude. His portrayal in Three Kingdoms is probably the most embellished of any character but nonetheless his historical achievements were still impressive and his character arc in the book is maybe the most tragic and emotional of all the 2400 pages worth.  It's difficult to say just how strong a warrior he was but he certainly seemed to be a capable administrator and general on top of being a mighty enough warrior to face Lu Bu without dying. I actually think his scene with Hua Tuo is his best, where he sits perfectly still as he is being surgically operated upon, continuing to read and be merry all the while.

A sterling example of honor and formidable ferocity, statues and other objects of worship abound of him to this day, the easiest example I can give is Chow Yun Fat praying to a statue of Lord Guan in Hardboiled before he goes on to John Woo style action sequences; saying "Guan I need help." Hard to say whether he merits much historical study beyond Fan Castle but in fiction a truly wonderful character. His Guan Dao weapon is naturally named after himself and became a very popular polearm for over a thousand years after his death; though it's unclear how or why the first one was created.

Guan Yu is extremely common in video games in virtually every genre, even moreso than Zhuge Liang. I believe League of Legends and DotA both have a Guan equivalent as does Smite and there might have been Guan Yu skins in Heroes of the Storm as well. Not aware of him showing up in FPS' but its certainly possible. Chops people in half.


#6 Zhang Song

Zhang Song has a fairly minor role in the grand scheme of things but man is it an incredible one. First he gives the keys to the kingdom (of Shu) to Kongming and then immediately goes to shit all over Cao Cao, first with Yang Xiu:

Zhang Song smiled, saying, "If what I have heard is true, Cao Cao's learning throws no gleaming light on the way of Confucius or Mencius, nor does his military skill illumine the art of Sun Zi or Wu Qi. He seems to understand the doctrine of brute force and holding on to what advantages he can seize, but I see not how he can give you any valuable training or enlighten your understanding."

and later with Cao Cao himself

"O Prime Minister, I know well that when you march out your army, you always conquer. I knew it when you attacked Lu Bu at Puyang; and when you fought Zhang Xiu at Wancheng; and when you met Zhou Yu at the Red Cliffs; and when in Huarong Valley you encountered Guan Yu; and on that day when you cut off your beard and threw away your robe at Tong Pass; and when you hid in a boat to escape the arrows on the Yellow River. On all these occasions, no one could stand against you."

Overall a much better version of Mi Heng or Zuo Ci and probably the best or second best rhetorician to grace the book. Pretty sure he is in SGZ but not written so magnificently there.



#7 Zhou Yu, Gongjin

Obligatory Wu Character, there's quite a few of them in the top 20 but not the top 10; Zhou Yu historically is a much better general than Zhuge Liang but in the book most of his competence is stolen by Zhuge Liang's theatrics (stealing arrows, calling forth the wind, Jing Province thievery). The relatively short shrift that Wu is given means all the good characters have somewhat similar archetypes; Lu Xun, Lu Meng, and Zhou Yu are semi-interchangeable aside from longevity. But just for his historic eminence I'll put Zhou Yu here, even if Sun Ce and Gan Ning are more entertaining.


#8 Zhao Yun, Zilong

Zhao Yun is possibly the most badass dude (in terms of singular combat ability) from the era aside from Lu Bu and not a drunken buffoon. I'm not entirely sure how historically accurate his depiction is and obviously he didn't become the God of War in the ensuing centuries; but he does essentially live through the entire duration of Shu's existence and serve admirably even while over 70 years old. The heroic rescue of the utterly useless Liu Shan (in baby form) at Chang Ban is highly entertaining if not quite as rousing as Zhang Fei's role there.

He's also the mascot of Dynasty Warriors since 2 and the most overpowered character in Kessen 2; never lost a single duel with him in hundreds of attempts (RNG based on stats and morale). Zilong's sheer loyalty and honor and unapproachable humility make him the ideal subject more or less; give him a job and he does it well without complaint frequently killing a general (or six) in the ensuing melee.


#9 Liu Bei, Xuande, Emperor of Shu

Our Protagonist himself, Xuande's story is riveting and goes through a seemingly endless cavalcade of setbacks and failures before finally establishing himself in Chengdu (population now: 16 million; actually virtually every city mentioned in Three Kingdoms is a hugeass city now) and taking his "corner of the empire" as it were. Despite all his humility up to that point eventually it is seemingly sheer accident that brings about his own personal downfall at Yi Ling; in the wake of Lord Guan's death. The Three Brothers and the Oath under the Peach Tree are apocryphal (as is Guan being still loyal while under Cao Cao) but it is for much of the book the driving agency of the novel and also the root cause of Liu Bei who probably could've achieved supremacy if he was only willing to work alongside Wu instead of getting salty over Guan Yu's untimely demise. In the RoTK games "Liu Bei King of Hanzhong" is always a fun start.

For much of the first volume/30 chapters (which is definitely the best, though the second volume is similarly strong and has Red Cliffs) he is wandering from place to place, occasionally getting a bit of power and then immediately losing it (usually to Cao Cao); he is a competent soldier and general both historically and fictionally but requires the assistance of others to truly shine. An exceedingly noble soul with an increasingly vivid depiction.


#10 Diaochan

Truly the fairest of them all Diaochan is easily the best and most written about female character in the novel; which is to say not very much. Sun Shang Xiang/Sun Li and Mistress Zhen are around but only for brief segments and often in fairly demeaning ways. But Diaochan performs her role admirably as seductress without being particularly vile and brings down the heinous Tyrant Dong Zhuo using Lu Bu along the way. The mightiest warrior gets the best girl and they live happily ever after.

On a more serious note Three Kingdoms is essentially a military textbook discussing nonstop battles and campaigns with only a few brief interludes where they can include women in some way; not that women haven't had plenty of historical combat excellence (including Fu Hao and Hua Mulan) just not in 200 AD in China. I guess if they made it into a Netflix show which is pretty likely then women would show up a lot more often and perhaps even become generals and what not a la recent Dynasty Warriors depictions.



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